Turd in the Punch Bowl

Turd in the Punch Bowl

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE? One team meeting per member +1 meeting.

WHY DO THIS? To get totally clear as a team, to speak aloud the issues that can otherwise be glossed over.

WHAT SUPPORT IS NEEDED? None, but might be good to have hero help the first week.

WHO CAN HELP? NA, team discussion

WHAT IS THE TEAM’S ROLE? Speak your truth, ruthless compassion

WHAT DO I NEED TO KNOW?  The process can take up 60 minutes for each man.

The team leader picks a man each week until every man has had a turn. The first week one man hears his turds. The second week that same man talks about what turds he thinks are valid and what he intends to do about them. In each subsequent week he must check in with his list of turds and how he is doing with his actions.

Man 1 – Week 1

The chosen man can take notes but he cannot speak or communicate in any way. The other team members discuss the man’s turds. What are the aspects of the man’s life that are inconsistent with his values? Where is he out of integrity? What is he in denial about? How does he hide? How does he give in to his fears?

The man can take notes about what he’s hearing and feeling. When the team is done the team leader gives him the floor, he states what he heard, how he feels and also addresses anything he either disagrees with or wants to correct.

Man 1 – Week 2

The man chosen the prior week talks about the turds his teammates identified. It is important to give him a week for the input to sink in. The team can redirect him if what he heard is not what was said. He can accept all input as valid and needing action from him, or discard points he disagrees with (stating why so the team can call him on his bullshit if necessary). For each point he agrees needs action, he tells the team what he is going to do and sets an action plan. This step in the process may take a second week if the man is particularly resistant to input from his team. However, it is not the leader or team’s role to force the man to accept all input, just to be sure he heard it.

Here’s a clue, if the chosen man does not say “Fuck you, you fucking fucks” or equivalent, the team has pussied out and needs to talk about why.

Man 1 – Week 3 and on

The man chosen the first week includes brief comments in his checkin summarizing his turds, action items, and progress. Each man ads his turds and actions after having his turn.

Man 2 – Week 3

Start the process over with a new man. Repeat.

This process can be paired with Eulogy. Eulogy goes first, followed by Turds. The Eulogy process can make each man feel valued by the rest of the team, and help him be more open to comments made in the turd process because he knows his team mates are making their comments because they care about him.

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John Butler

Momentum is a local, not-for-profit men’s community.

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