Men and Sexuality

Men and Sexuality

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE? Six or more team meetings

WHY DO THIS? To break down a barrier

WHAT SUPPORT IS NEEDED? Any hero or experienced team leader

WHO CAN HELP? NA, team discussion

WHAT IS THE TEAM’S ROLE? Talk about a taboo subject

WHAT DO I NEED TO KNOW?

This is about a 30-45 min per team meeting night, for about 6-8 meetings… depending on how many men on the team and how far you want to go with it.

Start by finding a quiet and secure location… no kids, wives or girlfriends. Being able to turn the lights down is often helpful. A two car garage is about perfect. make sure that every man will be attending the first session.

Bring a blanket or towel to sit on.\ Choose a talking stick that is clearly phallic.\ The men on the team sit down right next to one another in a circle, with knees barely touching.\ They are all naked.\ Set the space with confidentiality reminders, and with a clear intention that goes into self disclosure and self discovery, being vulnerable and honest on a men’s team with men we know and trust… that in our hearts we are all pretty much men among men with slightly different experiences and values, but a desire to be known and to know one another and to learn from one another … and that talking openly and honestly about sex and our sexuality is often taboo and frequently uncomfortable.

The first evening, the topic is about the first time we masturbated…how we discovered it, how we felt about it, felt about ourselves during and afterwards and so forth. Pass the talking stick to each man and allow him to share and then have a few min. at the end for the group to process. (Note some men are good story tellers and will expound and others are shy and will want to say little, a good facilitator can balance this out over time).

The next week the topic is to share about the first time we had sex with a woman. Did we pay someone, did we love the woman, did we seduce some slump buster that would have sex with us even though we did not love them, did we get drunk and block out the whole experience…?

The next week the topic is to share about our relationship and reactions to porn, what we like, don’t like, feel about ourselves and our lives when we watch porn, how it impacts our relationship, how we use it to get closer to our partner or to distance from her, and so forth.

The next week is to talk about the changes in our sex drive and sex life over time, loss of libido, loss of interest due to our relationship souring, or being single as a middle aged man and suddenly free to have hot young lovers, or being single and alone if our spouse leaves….whatever the actual changes we had.

The next week, share about the worst sexual experience we ever had, did we get arrested, caught in the act by our spouse, have our mother in law or children walk in on us, fail to get an erection, ejaculate “prematurely” whatever….

The next week we share about the best sexual relationship we ever had, the physical part of it, the rest of it (excitement, passion, relationship connection, illicitness of it… whatever)

The next week we share about any homosexual experiences we have had, watching gay porn, or watching the man in a straight porn movie instead of focusing on the woman, touching or being touched by another man, getting blow jobs in the park by anonymous sex partners, having a threesome with another man, being in a group hot tub, shower, or having group sex and finding ourselves drawn towards/repulsed by another man…

The final week we share about what it has been like sitting naked with a bunch of men and listening and sharing with them about sex in an open and honest discussion.

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John Butler

Momentum is a local, not-for-profit men’s community.

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